My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
