My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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