I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
