dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
