There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
