what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
