Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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