just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
