You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
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