Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Randomize
