The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
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