Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
