i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
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