Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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