Walk of Shame. In a state park.
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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