guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
