I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
