peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
I'm going out with a guy whose nickname is Shark Week cause he'll eat anyone. I'm very excited.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
