just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize