I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Randomize
