Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
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Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
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he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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