So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Randomize