Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
Randomize
