he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Finally get to put my practical writing degree to use! I'm writing a craigslist ad for a threesome
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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