I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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