apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
My ass is underappreciated
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Randomize
