i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
