btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
