Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I need a hoe opinion
go on
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
