ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
