Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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