Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Randomize
