I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
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