i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
