After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
He called his prostate his "boner button".
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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