I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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