bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
