So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
