My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
