Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
