I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
