My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
