I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
The Olympian is in my bed
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
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