My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
party tonight. bring as many traffic cones as you can find. we need to section off the blackout drunks way better this time
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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