Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
as a side note pls kill me
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
