Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
