Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
ttyl tear gas
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
