highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
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