I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
This can only be settled by a dance off.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
