What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Randomize
