The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
