so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Rumble strips road head = magical
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
Randomize
