I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize