My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
