You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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