If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Your cock deserves a montage
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
