$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Randomize
