Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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