A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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