ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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