I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Definitely a Xanax and Jell-O shots kinda day...except my Jell-O shots are really just a big bowl of a Jell-O shot that I use a spoon to eat.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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