just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Couch. On fire.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
