I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Randomize
