it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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