i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
I cut my penus on the lid.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
