i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
