the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
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