After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
i drank out of a bidet.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
