you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
Randomize
