My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
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