she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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