I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
