thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
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