I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Randomize
